Healings come in all forms – physical, mental, emotional & spiritual – but they are all about the same thing, coming home to God. Not the God you thought you were coming home to though, not a spiritual experience of some kind, a feeling, a touch, a whisper in our ear. We think that is how it looks, feels like, shows up in our lives. It is none of that, or maybe sometimes it is. At times though it is an emptiness, a void, a black hole, that we fall into, and it swallows us up and we disappear. The person we know, or thought we knew by our name, simply disappears, and we are no longer who we thought we were and it doesn’t matter. Every person will experience it differently as no two people’s life, experiences and lessons are the same. We might start out experiencing it as a lesson to be learned and then it evolves and evolves and evolves until we no longer know whether we are the experiencer or the observer of the process. The only way to survive is to flow with the feelings that come, allow them to be what they are, accept them for what they were and will be, and know it doesn’t really matter where you are, it only matters where you will be. Sounds very esoteric doesn’t it? Like a sci-fi movie, or one of those “artsy” movies that no one really gets except the person who wrote it, because no one really can because we are not them and they are having their own experience writing it.
We all basically want to go home to God if we are on a spiritual path at all, at least we think we do, until the shit hits the fan and we are in the midst of the “void of no return” where everything we know and love is gone and we are standing there naked and alone going hmmm, did anyone get the license number of that lorry that just crashed thru my life? Our next question is supposed to be – wonder what’s going to happen next? Except we have been struck dumb and have just fallen into a black hole and haven’t a flippin’ clue what just happened, or how to get out, or if we even want to get out! Aaaah well, we couldn’t if we tried cuz God put us in there so only God can catch us when we hit bottom, if He/She wants to…maybe not…guess that’s where the basis of all spiritual lessons comes in to play…Trust and Surrender.
It’s just another bottom, we say as we crawl back out and start over once again. We think, did I have to go there? Maybe yes, maybe no. I am in a fitness program and I find a “bottom” every now and again. I am reading a Sai Baba book called “With Love Man Is God”, and I got to this place in the book, and I quote “He (Sai) says that food determines the shape of the mind, and the mind is the key to transformation. Food determines what we become and is of three qualities: sathwic-purity,calm, rajasic- anger, greed, feverish activity, and thamasic-sloth, dullness. The quality of the food determines the qualities in our personalities and minds. Swami says that even if we go on pilgrimages, and read sacred books, and engage in spiritual exercises, we will not experience desirable effects unless we change the food we are eating.” Whoaaaa, you mean all this meditating, reading, going to workshops, more meditating, looking at my projections and what I’ve created and changing my patterns, ALL THIS doesn’t matter at all once I hit that drive thru window at In and Out Burger???? Crappola, how many lifetimes did I blow on that cheeseburger?…of course if I was eating In and Out Burgers which I haven’t been Gavin so don’t blow a gasket!!! I do have a cheat meal once a week though and I have had some “thamasic” foods probably, most likely, alright yes I did but was still on program thank you very much! Not Sai’s program obviously….geeesh…this path gets tougher all the time! haha
So as this post is entitled, “healing is all about God calling us home” – I realized I have been going thru a physical calling this last year with my food program, and I thought Gavin set up the program for me but it obviously came from Sai Baba now that I read this book. I took a crash dive this afternoon and realized it was after I ate. I got tired, depressed, angry, overwhelmed, yada, yada, and I now realize it was very likely the food. Although it was on program, it was spicy and I felt over-full, was it the spices or was it the energy with which I ate it, or the cooks who prepared it, or….. Blessing the food is important which I normally do but got caught up in a distraction and didn’t do it today…so God called me home. I realize now that God has been calling me home all my life in one aspect of my life or another – divorce, lost companies, careers caput, weight gain, abuse, etc.
On a daily basis, in the now, there are many ways God calls me home: I have found that offering my day to God in the morning is important, sometimes I get distracted on my morning walk and forget…until God calls me home. Keeping my thoughts positive on the future, on my life, in my service is vital and I know it, sometimes I am not paying attention…until God calls me home. What does getting called home look and feel like? Anger, depression, sadness, re-experiencing hurt over words that were said to me by others, by my teacher, pain of the past, fears of the future, all of the above and more – the shit hitting the fan, the fall into oblivion, the not caring of where it all ends up or where I do…all is God calling me home. Sometimes I just fall into the pit of avoidance called bed or a movie or a non-spiritual book, or I wallow in victimhood for a bit, after i have had my “wallow” I actually do something useful like taking a walk, or doing service work which really works to re-focus me. I actually think at times “wallowing” is good because I am allowing myself to experience the experience, I am accepting the darkness instead of avoiding it or beating myself up for wallowing. God lets me do this…wallow…then in all His infinite goodness He calls me home by giving me a little nudge off the bed, the phone rings, or I have to go to the bathroom, etc. And finally I am ready to start again, so I read the Surrender Prayer and turn it all over…again…and move on…doing the best I can with what I have right now…and know beyond a shadow of a doubt everything in my life is really just all about God calling me home.
Love Love Love
Sandra Grey Wolf